M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
