You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I touched a dick in church today
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
