When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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