I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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