Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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