i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Michael Bay diarrhea
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
