i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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