somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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