I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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