Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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