I'm eating all of the evidence.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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