i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
