guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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