And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
