batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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