I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
