Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
