I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
