so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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