is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Can I color on your dick again?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize