Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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