two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
