I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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