hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
