You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
