I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
