Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I wear drunk well.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
