Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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