if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize