You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Randomize
