Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
