better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I love you. Go after that dick
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
