the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
