Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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