In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
