Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
