I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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