i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize