Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I AM VODKA MAN
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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