A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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