Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
