Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
