how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
