I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
