Don't you send me to vm
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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