Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
