How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize