made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
