I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
