I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
