First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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