Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize