i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
