and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize