Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
