they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
