Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
