I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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