just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
