nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Randomize
