Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
