let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
it glows. i had to have it.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
