I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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