Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
