He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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