Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Randomize
