somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
