we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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