I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
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