Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We had sex on a dog bed..
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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