well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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