hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
