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How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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