The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
