I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
