ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
