Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize