I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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