Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
