where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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