this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
